Personal story by Nicole Moreno-Deinzer
The unexpected relationship lessons we learned while living apart
In 2023, I was stuck in a bit of a rut – everything was great, but it was a little too comfortable. It was hard to pinpoint where the discomfort was coming from because things were going well.
Collectively, we were all finally crawling out of the pandemic funk. My husband and I had moved from the Bay Area, California, to Los Angeles, a move we had been wanting to make for a few years. We were settled in an apartment we love, we were throwing dinner parties, making new friends – life was good.
I started to think I’d leaned into the “cozy blankets and rom-coms” vibe a little too hard during lockdown. So, true to my Type A eldest daughter form, I started thinking: What’s the next big thing? I’d already hit all the major adult milestones – marriage, college, grad school, starting two businesses – and I was itching for another personal goal – something just for me.
The next two big goals: kids and house buying, were things I would have to do with my husband. But before those, I wanted a project purely for myself. Something that required movement and something I could plan. I decided on a year of solo travel. I had two years to plan because I was going to depart when I turned 40. It would require physical movement which meant less time in front of my laptop, and I knew it would take me out of my comfort zone, which I desperately needed. So on the couch one night while watching one of our favorite shows, I brought it up with my husband.
He looked at me and saw I had my laptop out and was already planning it. His first question was, “when will you leave?” When I answered that I would leave in two years. He seemed relieved as this would give us plenty of time to figure out the next steps. He was worried that I would ask him to come along. But I knew his career wouldn’t allow him too. So once I reassured him that I would be happy if he just joined me every now and then, he was supportive.
This wasn’t my first rodeo with travel or remote work. My husband and I started exploring together three years into our relationship, when I was 24. And our trips weren’t exactly resort stays; we were the type to follow locals down back alleys in Mexico, swap stories with pizza lovers in Naples, or miss a bus in Ireland and stumble upon a hidden gem of a place to stay. During the pandemic, we worked from a residency in Oaxaca, and in 2022, we spent a month working across New York City and the Northeast.
All those years of exploring and working remotely – especially being stuck together during the pandemic – not only created closeness but, if I’m being honest, a bit of codependency. With working from home and shared routines, we had stopped experiencing each other as separate people. We were partners, coworkers, travel companions, and roommates all at once. There’s comfort in that kind of closeness, but there’s also a danger: routine can replace curiosity. When you see someone every day, it becomes easy to assume you know everything about them and takes away the need to work at a relationship.
We’d seen each other every single day since March 2020 because of the WFH life. I was about to trade that constant proximity for seeing him every two months or so. We didn’t take this decision lightly, especially since it meant putting everything we own into storage to live the digital nomad life in our 40s. Since paying rent wouldn’t make sense while I was away, my husband would live a digital nomad life throughout California while I was traveling.
So after two years of planning, a few days after my 40th birthday in October 2025, I boarded a plane and said goodbye to my husband. Now seven months into my solo travels, I can report the initial weeks were… quiet. Brushing my teeth in silence felt downright eerie and, honestly, a little lonely. But despite the loneliness, this time apart has strengthened my marriage in four significant ways.
How Long-Distance Travel Improved Our Communication
First, the time difference was actually a communication gift. To start, we had to find a specific time that worked for both of us to catch up, meaning one person had to commit to getting up early, and the other had to stay up late. We had to sort this out before we could even start talking. Once we locked it in, it forced us to be intentional with our words.
One of us was making a sacrifice: me getting up early (which is totally not my jam since I’m not a morning person), or him staying up late (not his jam, as he’s tired by 9 PM). So we learned to really respect each other’s time. Instead of just chattering for the sake of it, we always had genuine things to share.
Even a quick check-in squeezed between his meetings and my sightseeing or dinner plans turns into a serious talk about our relationship, finances, future trips, and all the stuff that really matters. Ironically, distance made us better listeners. When you only have a short window to connect, you stop filling silence just to fill it. You ask better questions. You pay attention. You become more deliberate with your affection, your time, and your words. Yeah, we missed the everyday small talk, but we have plenty of years for that later.
Time Apart Stopped Us Taking Each Other for Granted
Secondly, the distance has been an awesome fix for all those petty little arguments. I mean, we’ve been together for 20 years and have worked from home together for the last 5.
All those tiny fights about walking too loud, breathing weird, or forgetting I’m lactose intolerant and need almond milk for my coffee (you know the drill) totally vanished. That doesn’t mean we don’t disagree, but our arguments are actual healthy discussions now.
Constant proximity can blur appreciation for your partner. When someone is always there, their presence starts to feel automatic instead of intentional. Being apart interrupted that pattern. Suddenly, the things that once irritated us became reminders of familiarity and home. Now, we talk about the things that genuinely bother us instead of hiding behind silly spats.
Living Apart Reduced Family and Work Stress
Third, being apart gave us the space to tackle life’s curveballs without the pressure of our day-to-day grind. I once interviewed an author for my digital magazine, Epifania. I asked how she balanced motherhood and her career, and she told me it’s about priorities. Some days work had to be her priority; other days her kids were the priority. That really stuck with me after all these years.
This past year, my mother-in-law needed my husband more. She’s in her 80s and is slowing down, and since he’s the only able-bodied child she has, he stepped up to handle things at her house and with her business. This meant having to help her find care, set up an accounting system for her business, and so on.
Meanwhile, on my side. My family exploded! All my younger siblings had kids during the pandemic, so I went from three nieces and nephews to seven. In a Latin household, family is everything, so as the oldest, I basically became the family’s logistics manager. If there was a trip, I’m planning it. If there was a birthday, I would remind people of the location and time.
My husband and I used to bicker over these external relationship pressures, but being in different time zones actually lets us focus on our own responsibilities without the friction. We realize we are in a time where we have more responsibilities and we have to adjust to that. That we have to prioritize our families’ needs occasionally.
In our 20s, travel was about spontaneity. In our 40s, it looks different. There are aging parents, growing families, businesses, responsibilities, and people who genuinely rely on us. What has surprised me was realizing that independence and commitment don’t have to compete with each other. Sometimes giving each other room to handle real life separately is its own form of support and love.
Time Apart Made Our Marriage Stronger
Finally, we actually got to miss each other. Imagine that!
Like that Ariana Grande line in “NASA” from her Thank U, Next album: “I can’t really miss you if I’m with you.” My husband and I never used to have enough time apart to really feel that.
Sometimes you need to step back from a painting to see how it makes you feel. We got to miss each other and rediscover the things we fell in love with – all of our core strengths. Missing someone you’ve known forever made those reunions in different countries totally worth the wait.
We used to think closeness was the same thing as connection. But this year taught us that sometimes love deepens when two people are given enough room to grow independently and then choose each other again.
The greatest surprise of this experiment wasn’t that our marriage has survived the distance. It was realizing that sometimes we need space to grow as individuals so we can be better partners. Travel changed the way we moved through the world, but distance changed the way we showed up for each other.
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